IS LOVE A FEELING OR A DECISION ?

(a book review: THE ONE I LOVED THE MOST part 2 by Victor Thulela Nkhosi)

If you have not read part one of the book go and check it out( it is free)

The Thulela & Michy saga continues after seven years of hibernation. As you might imagine 7 years can seem a lifetime or a moment at the same time especially when two people reconnect. When the two reunite Thulela has another woman in his life. It is very funny how Michy just reappears just when Thulela decides to get serious with the other lady like the precision is worrisome sometimes you would think the world is out there to get the guy. I won’t delve further into the story to avoid spoilers.

MY THOUGHTS

The piece is wonderfully written and compared to the first volume the writer’s style is more prominent in this volume making the read unique and I really liked the KJV era expressions like “Lo and behold”. The division of chapters is equally well done each chapter being marked by a an event or the emotional state of the protagonist and through it I learned the word “flummoxed” which is fancy (am always looking for opportunities to use th word).

The author explores various themes related to love and relationships and expressing them through a story in which the protagonist tells his story. It quite remarkable how certain things that seem so obvious when looking at them from a distance can become so complex and confusing when the issue concerns you.

Thulela seems to be confused with which person his loves because his feelings seem be all over the place depending on the woman he is found with at the moment as you’ll notice in the book he seems to be in love with the both women being pulled by passion and commitment. Quite alright he is with another person now but once the former lover reappears the feelings get rekindled and he is just in the state of confusion and that speaks of the dangers that leaving relationships open ended can bring about ( I think they never really talked about ending their relationship). The author equally highlights how feelings can be reignited given certain conditions and worse off if the current partner gives you reasons to leave people don’t waste time to do so when the window is still open which begs the question of did you love the person or you just did not have a choice at that moment.

The other thing is also about loving people who have psychological problems or disorders. At some point it is quite difficult to separate the person from the problem and especially were life is threatened. Though you know that they have a problem but at a certain point in time people tend to find reasons to justify their reasons to be close to other people(leaving the broken person) because the social contract has been broken( am sorry but I have to go back to THE METAMORPHOSIS just read it if you have not.. please…..).

Another theme explored is the idea of being close to a person who was once your lover while you are with someone else especially where you still have feelings. I think some distance should be maintained between such people until the feelings wither and if it makes your partner uncomfortable you keep a healthy distance because the problem most of the time is whenever there is a problem people by will or coincidence find themselves in the arms of the other person which will do nothing but exacerbate the confusion to a point were like in the book the person is confused about where your loyalties lie.

We also see that sometimes it takes life threatening situations to realise the place some people hold in our lives because sometimes familiarity breeds complacency but once threatened with loss we tend to rearrange our priorities as they should have been a long time and try to make the necessary decisions that need to be made and find the balance that we need in our our lives.

The author also makes possible some friendships that are quite not plausible in real life but a little fun in reading won’t hurt.

I also also love his philopher’s epilogue as he tries to explain that “For in every allotment of time, there is a conglomeration of opportunities inside an assortment of possibilities” (it is my favourite phrase of the book) . I think love is more making a decision than feelings not that we should not have feelings for people we are with but that let those feelings lead to making decisions eventually because feelings can be fleeting at times and if you follow them you will get lost in the blizzard and mystify your life eventually and from a scientific point of view feelings originate from a more primitive area of the brain concerned with survival but you need to eventually anchor those feelings in reality by engaging your reasoning abilities( controlled by the pre-frontal cortex).

And concerning the question in the book about which of the two ladies Thulela loved most I think it is Michy or not judging by the ending.

Get the book by contacting the author via their page (INSPIRE VTN on facebook and instagram) it is really awesome and you will support his work as a creative writer.

Ciao @Chungamu